And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize