Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
