I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
