Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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