I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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