Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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