at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
