There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
