dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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