So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A bitchslap is in order.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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