great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
