he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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