i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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