so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
