Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
