Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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