Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
