Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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