You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
