question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
