Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
