Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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