i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize