The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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