There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
