She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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