So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
