I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
