Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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