either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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