All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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