I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
