He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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