i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
