chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
