Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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