We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
