Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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