I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
