Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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