I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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