Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
