doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
