dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
