I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize