I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can i not drive my cunt home
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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