He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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