So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
