so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will be naked everywhere
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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