I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
