Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
