So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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