Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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