ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
