A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
