I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
