This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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