i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
