I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You have to summon your inner elephant
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
