so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize