I need help removing her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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