with your own penis?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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