I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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