How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
