I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want nice things and good sex
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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