Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
