Whoa Z and x make the same sound
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
