If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
