just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
